There are seven inches of snow on the ground. Still pure and unmuddied. The boys are napping after a wonderful morning of adventures and games and sharing lunches. I am surrounded by
snack foods quiet and beauty and am trying hard to summon up the energy to write. Five minutes, I tell myself. Five minutes.
The pregnancy posts are hard to write. They are painful…that is, the memories and anxiety attached are. I find myself surfing and procrastinating. I just need to work through. Through.
I am, for the most part, actually enjoying the pregnancy, as I did the last one. Vein explosions aside, my body likes being pregnant. I love the kickety-kicks I get from little girl whenever I stop for a moment. Keep going, Mama! I wanna rock! I like that my belly is firm with the occasional squiggle movement. I love feeling my two monkeys absent-mindedly put their hands on my enormous belly and pat it like they are already communicating with their little sister.
I’m about 4-5 pounds over where I should be, but am ok with that for now. Doctor appointment this week. We’ll see if my placenta has squatter’s rights at this time.
This is ot the dreamy sort of pregnancy this time around, like I had with the twins. The reality is there. The excitement is, too. There are also two toddlers running around pushing me to be my best. I know what’s ahead…the mystery is pretty much gone, but the anticipation is fierce. I am not scared this time around. I remember as I lazed around last pregnancy (I was on 4-6 hours of daily bed rest) how I’d watch all the silly baby shows on the health/discovery networks, I’d read the books, I’d devour the weekly updates (This week your baby is the size of a cantaloupe! You may be experiencing hemorrhoids! You may have increased sex drive! Probably not both!)
Is is sad that I knew how to spell “hemorrhoids” without looking it up? And why do they always compare fetal size to food?
I was so in tuned to the pregnancy. It was all about the pregnancy and a nine-month journey into motherhood. Now I don’t have the same opportunity to laze…but I still marvel when I can…mostly she swims and moves about at night once the boys are in bed. It’s my time, mama. Here I am! Look what I can do!
I’ve already journeyed into motherhood once. I do it so much more bravely this time around.
More tomorrow to pick up where I left off last week.