I haven’t slept, gone to the bathroom alone, or finished a thought in the last 48 hours. I’m flying solo with the three kids this week, as mentioned yesterday. After a good start, the reality of it all hit last night at about 10 (after a sleepless night on Saturday), and the kids were up at various times throughout the night. At 5, when I jumped out of bed to get writing and/or laundry done, Baby Girl decided it was nice and sunny out…time to get up!
And my day started. And it’s been long.
So I need to be gentle with myself. My brain hurts. My body hurts. I am chaperoning a field trip tomorrow. The debate in my mind is “Can I do anything of merit tonight after the kids go down and I’ve been up this long? Am I chickening out?”
This is where I feel useless and tired…
This is where I am envious of people who have the moments and the energy and the sleep. I have the motivation. I am feeling like a failure at this. Where is the breakthrough? Where is the awesomeness?
Where is the moment where I prove something to myself other than that I can be very meta about writing a bunch of drafts?
And yes, I’ll write tonight. But I’m not counting it towards my 100 days. I’m pretty sure it’ll be a hard and fast 30 minutes.
Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow…