I’m fairly sure I was insufferable in my twenties, particularly in my job. Younger than anyone else on the faculty by at least 10 years, I was bolstered by my own sense of purpose and frustrated by how many different classes I was given each year. No time to breathe. Yet I blazed on, arrogant in my success.

I have no one in my world now from that time in my life. No one has tried to keep in touch with me. I’m guessing that’s in part because I was barrelling ahead in my work, in part because I always felt that work and friends should be two separate spheres, and in part because, as mentioned, I was a bit of an asshole. I was young, full of piss and vinegar, and going to change the world, one kid at a time.

In short, a blustering know-it-all.

I’m lonely sometimes. I don’t have life-long friends. I have no best friend. I have many friends and acquaintances, but my deepest relationships are with family. That’s a great thing and a not-great thing.

It’s hard making new friends at age 38. It helps that I am meeting other parents at my kids’ school…but my big flaw…one I’ve always had, is that I like being with my loved ones, I don’t like hanging out and drinking.

But, like all human beings, I need a network

I love my little nest here. I love it. But I need to branch out.


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