A Sincere and Authentically Offered Apology As Given on the Advice of my Legal Team in response to events* stemming from “Field Trip Chaperone Life Lessons.”

This Is Just To Say

I have apologized to
your children
who were on
the field trip
and whom
you were probably
I wrote about
Forgive me
I wasn’t even
really watching them
also, I ate your plums.

*Someone left a copy of the blog post and a pair of shredded yoga pants on my front porch.  The joke’s on them: I’ve only tried yoga once in my life. It was a prenatal class. I never got past the downward dog. Hell, I didn’t get past the snack bar. (The joke’s on me, really, because I’m still wearing maternity pants two years later.)


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