A Sincere and Authentically Offered Apology As Given on the Advice of my Legal Team in response to events* stemming from “Field Trip Chaperone Life Lessons.”

This Is Just To Say

I have apologized to

your children

who were on

the field trip

 

and whom

you were probably

assuming

I wrote about

 

Forgive me

I wasn’t even

really watching them

also, I ate your plums.

*Someone left a copy of the blog post and a pair of shredded yoga pants on my front porch.  The joke’s on them: I’ve only tried yoga once in my life. It was a prenatal class. I never got past the downward dog. Hell, I didn’t get past the snack bar. (The joke’s on me, really, because I’m still wearing maternity pants two years later.)