Still feeling no “me” time.  Doctor appointments, school meetings, family obligations…and two little boys who just want to play with Mama.

I am frustrated, mostly about exercise. I feel fat. I worry I will never drop the weight. I’ve put on 23-24 pounds so far. That’s too much.  I’m scared of that.  Between that and my tooth adventures and the twisting I have to do to paint my toes, I’m feeling I’ve been whupped by the ugly stick. Then little girl kicks and wiggles and delights to certain songs or Daddy’s voice and I know it’s all for her.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

I need to reach out and ask for someone to watch the kids for a few hours. I need to not worry about the house.  I need to stop. I need to be still. I need to stop worrying. I need a little fun without the guilt.

I hope I don’t sound like I’m making excuses. I am literally looking at my calendar and my day and my moments and listening to that voice inside that tells me to stop ignoring my needs.  That voice is in a pretty good chorus with another voice that tells me to sit, put my feet up.  THAT voice competes with the very loud MAMA GUILT voice.  That one needs to be muzzled.

Exercise in some capacity for at least 15 minutes 15 days a month. Again, this is the goal that I am most upset about losing control of.  Exercise is the one thing I need either 15-20 minutes in one shot or 5 minute spurts throughout the day.  I will get exercise in this weekend, and did walk the dog a good long time early this week, but my adventures in Dental Land took up my exercise time. I hate that, but I refuse to give up taking care of my kids…and they are tricky to exercise around.  Will think about this. They don’t want to exercise with me, and it’s still cold and rainy/snowy, so outdoor activities are limited.  I will work on that this weekend.  

Write here every day for at least 5 minutes and for at least 2 minutes in my “Line a Day” 5 year journal. Sneaking in the writing. I wrote a lot of notes based on the gazillion meetings I had, but that doesn’t quite feed the soul. 

Re-learn the piano, playing at least 5 times a week (emphasis on playing) Shelved for now.

Make two new gal pals and/or strengthen relationship with 2 women I already know so I can consider us good friends and not just acquaintances. Wrote to one woman with whom I’ve worked for three years…and got the not-unexpected lack of response. Nothing. Another friend is checking her calendar.  I do have my online mommy group and I do wish we all lived closer to each other. It’s weird to feel close to virtual strangers. But I’m lucky.

Figure out how to make turning 40 fabulous. Fabulous 40 will depend on these other factors.

Take one picture a day for the entire year.  Still loving it….