Expecting vs Waiting

When Huzzy and I were on vacation last month, he said.  “I think I’d actually like for us to have a third kid…”

Way to drop the bomb, Oppenheimer.

This was without prompting on my part. As I’ve written, I’d accepted not having a third. I believe couples should be on the same page.

I got pregnant within about two seconds…got the Big Fat Positive the day my period was due, about 9 days ago.

Other than being super-exhausted, I’ve had no symptoms, which didn’t faze me. When pregnant with the twins, my only two symptoms were exhaustion and getting really big. It was a fairly easy, mostly-complication-free pregnancy.

We were in shock. This happened quickly. It took a few days to wrap our heads around it and begin to yank the pregnancy from Idea to Reality. I was giddy. And exhausted.

Yesterday evening, we came home from a day of outdoor festivities and I was bleeding.

I woke this morning after a night of fitful sleep and was bleeding.

I called the doctor at 8. At 10:45 I called again because no one had called me back.

I was sent for a blood test. I went immediately. I will go again on Thursday. The idea is to see some specific hormones are increasing…we want them to increase.

I am still bleeding.

I will not know a thing until Friday.

I don’t feel hopeful about this and wonder if going for the blood test is a desperate grasp at optimism. I waver between accepting this pregnancy is going to end/is ending and thinking maybe everything will be ok. Mostly the former.

So I wait.

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