Author: Jackie Pick

Jackie Pick is a former teacher and current writer living in the Chicago area. She is a contributing author to multiple anthologies, including Multiples Illuminated, So Glad They Told Me: Women Get Real about Motherhood, Here in the Middle, as well as the and the literary magazines The Sun and Selfish. She received Honorable Mention from the Mark Twain House and Museum for her entry in the Royal Nonesuch Humor Writing Competition. Jackie is a contributing writer at Humor Outcasts, and her essays have been featured on various online sites including McSweeney's, Belladonna Comedy, Mamalode, The HerStories Project, and Scary Mommy. A graduate of the University of Chicago and Northwestern University, Jackie is co-creator and co-writer of the award-winning short film Fixed Up, and a proud member of the 2017 Chicago cast of Listen To Your Mother.

Caffeinated Wishes

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The last 48 hours have included:

* The boys going back to preschool and their concerns about getting back into routine.

* A session with the child psychologist, who told us that our son’s misbehavior was situational and related to (a) my being pregnant and having morning sickness (hooray guilt!) (b) anxiety about school (c) potty training and (d) the fact that he externalizes his stress. She told us that we’re doing everything right, she just wants to give us a couple more strategies. This was exhausting. Also exhausting was the fact that she was 20 minutes late because her prior client and she were talking about the Blackhawks in the hallway.  We had to leave on time due to picking up the kids at school, so we got 60 minutes of advice in about 37.

* Two three-hour meetings of the school board.  I still assert that any meeting that goes over 60 minutes (90 if there are snacks…which there weren’t) is not a productive meeting.

*Seven hours spent in subsequent school board-related activities. My role is to chase down delinquent tuition payments. I do not do the books, I do not set up payment plans, and I certainly do not get annotated pieces of important information like “This person paid her tuition, I just haven’t gotten to the bank yet” or “This person paid her tuition, but no one approved her pro-rated rate.”  It just looks like people haven’t paid.  I have learned that everyone LOVES hearing that they owe money when they actually don’t, AND they don’t really care how much of this I am responsible for as long as I’m the one asking for moolah. I have also learned that everyone who actually does owe money LOVES to hear about that, too.  Finally, I have learned I do not like confrontations about money.

* General living of life and all of my silly tasks like raising two not-low-energy children and growing a third person in my body.

Tonight I have dinner with my in-laws, who are not the type to let a comment like “I’m so tired, everything’s fine, please excuse me if my level of conversation is not up to par” go without a good grilling.

In the immortal words of Weird Al and Kate Winslet, I Need A Nap.