Clippy’s Opening Statement from January 6 Committee Hearings

Jackie Pick

Mr. Chairman, Members of the Committee, thank you for having me here.

Some background: I am the proud son of a Swingline stapler and an All-American prong fastener. After I graduated from the Ohio State University, I interned in the supply closet at McKinsey & Company. In 1997, I found my calling at Microsoft where I became the official Office Assistant.

It is in that capacity that I testify because I am witness to the PowerPoint received by Mark Meadows and turned over to this committee. A PowerPoint that lays out, in batshit crazy and terribly designed ways, how to stage a coup.

Late in 2020, a presentation called “Election Fraud, Foreign Interference and Options for 6 JAN” was created. When I saw the title and the profound lack of any of the latest PowerPoint features, I jumped back on the screen hoping to thwart this attack on democracy. This…

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