An Email from the Universe
This week has been heavy. I wrote this to make a little space, and hope it gives you a brief moment of respite or silliness.
Hello. This is the Universe. You know, stars, gravity, tacos, fluids, tardigrades, and whatnot.
Let’s just get this out in the open: the number of things that must happen right before the approaching Winter Break is unreasonable. This is a failure of math. It’s nice, for once in your life, for math to fail you rather than the other way around.
I kid, I kid.
Anyway, I, The Universe, am pleased to announce MOM SPIRIT WEEK (!), a morale-enhancing initiative designed to support seasonal cheer and operational continuity. This week recognizes your continued parenting, working, time management, keeping the car’s gas tank just full enough, and functioning as a human reminder app and emotional shock absorber.
Please note the daily themes below.
Participation is optional but also assumed.
MONDAY: PAJAMA DAY!
Wear your most comfortable pajamas while you pack lunches, search for shoes, sign forms, answer emails, check the calendar, re-check the calendar, and run five to seventeen other errands.
What I, the Universe, require of you today: Joy as you deal with everything. Especially the aggressively pleasant coworker who overshares about their digestive system and uses a coffee mug that says, “Wine O’clock.” This is fun. Thank you for not crying.
TUESDAY: PAJAMA DAY!
Wear pajamas that have pockets. The week is now in full swing, and so are you.
If you’re doing it right, based on yesterday’s tasks, you’ll now have meeting lists, errand lists, carpool lists, grocery lists, gift lists, revised gift lists, emergency gift lists, volunteer-commitment lists, lists of chores that must be done and another list of chores that should probably be done, lists of messages to answer, lists of texts you answered incorrectly, and lists of emails you are sure you already replied to but someone is still awaiting your response. Feel free to combine them into one list called “laundry,” but that may make you cry, and it’s not that clever anyway.
Write down the lists. All of them. They are legion. Then stuff those lists into the pockets of your pajamas.
While you’re out and about, pick up some children’s medicine. Rumor has it that Influenza A is going around the school. It’s okay, though. Your kids told you they’d wash their hands. They also told you they “don’t know” where their winter coat is, and that “yes, they’d checked” the lost and found.
What I, the Universe, require of you today: Joy, especially if someone thanks you for your “great energy,” while giving you something else to do. Write that down, too. Thank you for not crying too loudly in the bathroom.
WEDNESDAY: PAJAMA DAY!
Wear footie pajamas as you manage last-minute changes, forgotten items, schedule shifts, work responsibilities, family logistics, emotional regulation (yours and everyone else’s), final cleaning, spot cleaning, cleaning Spot your dog, re-cleaning the spot you just cleaned, menu planning, backup menu planning, confirming plans, reconfirming plans, answering messages that could have been emails, cleaning surfaces, clearing rooms, hiding piles, rediscovering piles, and arranging everything so the house appears welcoming and effortless, and wondering if today is Friday. (It’s not.)
Please remember to tend to the emotional states of people who cannot explain why they are upset, but are confident you need to be involved on one level or another.
Also, run to the school and pick up your kids’ coats from the lost and found.
Prepare for a Spatial Impossibility Situation, where at least two of these obligations will require you to be in different locations with incompatible parking situations. You may have to run. This is where the tread on the footie pajamas comes in.
What I, the Universe, require of you today: Joy, for morale purposes. Thank you for scheduling your crying in a way and a place that does not disrupt anything or anyone.
THURSDAY: PAJAMA DAY!
Wear the oversized pajamas with the oversized hood.
All you have to do today is find the tape.
Pull up the hood of your pajamas and scream into it as needed. Do this away from other people, that kind of stuff is contagious, much like the Influenza A currently sweeping through your kids’ school.
What I, the Universe, require of you today: The tape.
FRIDAY: PAJAMA DAY
Congratulations, it’s Friday. Keep it jolly, motherf***er.
Pick up whichever pair of pajamas you’ve put on “the chair.” Make sure it comes close to passing the sniff test. Have you even showered since Tuesday? Put on a hat while you’re at it.
Today, you launch into Winter Break with drop-offs, goodbyes, transitions, schedule adjustments, snack calibration, emotional recalibration, and the realization that your children are now home full-time for the next two weeks.
Now you finally have time to unwind and recharge while continuing to provide meals, structure, activities, supervision, emotional support, and holiday magic.
Keep tissues up your pajama sleeves — Santa might just be bringing Influenza A for the holidays!
What I, the Universe, require of you today: Joy. Again. This requirement expires in January.
Best,
The Universe
Pickadilly Project 