Author: Jackie Pick

Jackie Pick is a former teacher and current writer living in the Chicago area. She is a contributing author to multiple anthologies, including Multiples Illuminated, So Glad They Told Me: Women Get Real about Motherhood, Here in the Middle, as well as the and the literary magazines The Sun and Selfish. She received Honorable Mention from the Mark Twain House and Museum for her entry in the Royal Nonesuch Humor Writing Competition. Jackie is a contributing writer at Humor Outcasts, and her essays have been featured on various online sites including McSweeney's, Belladonna Comedy, Mamalode, The HerStories Project, and Scary Mommy. A graduate of the University of Chicago and Northwestern University, Jackie is co-creator and co-writer of the award-winning short film Fixed Up, and a proud member of the 2017 Chicago cast of Listen To Your Mother.

Baking and Burning — Classics, Cheating,and Crudeness. Delicious Crudeness….

· Leave a comment ·

To me, it doesn’t feel like baking when I cut corners. Pre-made pie crusts, Cool Whip, mixes.

Doesn’t stop me. Sometimes you just want dessert. Now.

I wanted dessert now every moment of every day a few times this week. There is something nostalgic about it, I suppose, and pregnancy definitely brings out the Sitting-on-a-Porch-Drinkin’-Country-Time-Lemonade Vibe in me.

I went super-classic. Nestle Toll House.

I pronounce it like Phoebe does.

Now, usually I try to bring in a bag o’ tricks when doin’ the classics. Refrigerate the dough to let the wet ingredients better permeate the dry ones (molecular size of the dry ingredients prohibits immediate penetration of wet ones. Seriously. And here you thought I was just another monkey face.)

Not this time. Cookies. Now. Want.

In the interest of not having to go through the horror of needing a new wardrobe because my maternity clothes got to tight, I decided on a half batch. This amused me only because it’s one of the few times I get to use my 1/8 c measuring cup. It’s so dainty!

Batch was made and devoured within 30 minutes of leaving the oven.  Yes, I shared.

The evidence

This past weekend I wanted pumpkin muffins. Now. (Although that should be assumed.)

It is with heavy heart that I tell you that I used a box mix. I did make my own streusel top. Still. Box. Mix.

Mixes feed into my impatience. This particular mix (Libby) smelled so damned good.

I did have a bit of a problem opening the (cringe) packet of icing, so, without thinking, I snipped right across the top of the entire packet, rather than just a small corner.  The icing glopped and dribbled, and I didn’t have enough to cover all the muffins. (No problem. See previous comment about maternity clothing.)

Per usual, Bloodhound-nosed Huzzy came sniffing about. Rather than take a muffin and make a quick get-away, he made some sort of throaty guffaw and backed away.

I had no idea what the issue was. They smelled delicious and tasted delicious.

…and certainly not salty.