Author: Jackie Pick

Jackie Pick is a former teacher and current writer living in the Chicago area. She is a contributing author to multiple anthologies, including Multiples Illuminated, So Glad They Told Me: Women Get Real about Motherhood, Here in the Middle, as well as the and the literary magazines The Sun and Selfish. She received Honorable Mention from the Mark Twain House and Museum for her entry in the Royal Nonesuch Humor Writing Competition. Jackie is a contributing writer at Humor Outcasts, and her essays have been featured on various online sites including McSweeney's, Belladonna Comedy, Mamalode, The HerStories Project, and Scary Mommy. A graduate of the University of Chicago and Northwestern University, Jackie is co-creator and co-writer of the award-winning short film Fixed Up, and a proud member of the 2017 Chicago cast of Listen To Your Mother.

Sunday Shorts: 2-Years-Old, Fortunately Going on 3.

My daughter had quite a week expressing herself.

When her teachers asked what the preschoolers think their parents do while the children are at school, my little scholar responded, “My mom is working and my dad is doing nothing.”

Of course, I passed that along to her dad, who did not seem to find that as amusing as I did.

Payback is swift, though. The next school day, I walk my little miss into class. She cocks her head to one side — not in a classic “sassy” way, but more in inquiry, sussing out her audience. She then says to her teacher (who, thank God, has the greatest sense of humor on the planet). “I know the Butt Song.”

Her teacher asked, “Oh, really? That sounds fun. Do you want to sing it?”

I bounce among being mortified at my daughter’s butt proclamation, being at a total loss at what the Butt Song is, and cracking up at the whole thing. I feel the church giggles coming on.

Daughter says, “I don’t remember it.”

Without missing a beat, teacher says, “Maybe Mommy will sing it to us.” They both turn and look at me, waiting for the opening line.

I lose it completely. Daughter, unimpressed, walks away. I have a moment of clarity and figure out what the Butt Song is.

It’s “We Don’t Have to Take Your Clothes Off .”

We sometimes sing that ditty at bath time. (So much better, right?)  She find that song hilarious and also finds her naked tushie hilarious, so it’s all one big complex tapestry that results in this kind of situation at school, usually in front of other, more normal mothers who just want to drop their kids off and enjoy their Starbucks and not want to deal with weirdness at 8:45am.

Suffice it to say, I exited stage right.  Later that day, I received this gem from the same teacher, with the message that Daughter “never disappoints.”

redacted

That’s a keeper.

I asked my daughter about it later, reminding her that “we don’t say ‘stupid’ in this house.” Of course she responded, “But I said it at school.”

After collecting all the parenting awards for these moments, I finally got the big prize this morning.

Daughter: *takes a bow* And that was the “I’m Not Scared” Song.
Me: Nice! I like it when you make up songs.
Daughter: It had a crocodile in it.
Me: All the best ones do.