“First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.” Epictetus

I hereby publicly state my 2022 resolutions before the tide of rants decrying resolutions as the folly of a made-up Hallmark Holiday. Such scoffing harshes my Seasonal Affective Disorder buzz.

1. Become Instagram Influencer. Make sure “Instagram Influencer” is not a euphemism for “orgy hostess.” (see: awkward Tupperware Party 2013)